it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's Friday. Sex?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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