do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
