Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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