She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
