and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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