I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
