im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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