I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
