my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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