Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
