I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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