My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
