New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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