So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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