I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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