I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
