So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
