Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
