GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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