i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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