haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
