i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
