This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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