Me. At least after what I've been through.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Success! We fucked roommates!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
