At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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