i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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