I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
