she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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