guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
