Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
