your parents love me but you hate me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
