i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
