Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
