I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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