If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
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I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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