Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
