Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Randomize
