So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
