smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
