i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
