Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
