If i come over, it means nothing
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
