He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
