Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
