I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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