This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
