$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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