mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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