Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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