My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
