my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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