No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
