at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
