i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
