why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
