I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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