If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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