I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
