what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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