last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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