I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
