On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
