Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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