i think my mom watched the whole time
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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