As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
