I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
