just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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