tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
