I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
