I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
