I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
