whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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